Fantasy 411 haiku

I guess destroying the Grapefruit League wasn’t enough for Hunter Pence to win a job in the Astros’ outfield, so we’ll wait for his inevitable return once the season starts. In his honor, though, offer 411 Haiku #1:

Hunter gets sent down

while Biggio, Burke and Lane

still get to play? Huh?


Papelbon closer?
I guess Mikey wins the bet

Schwartz buys Kobe beef

Mike In CT

I think the deal states all of Papelbon’s appearances will either be starting (GS) or closing (relieving since he will come into games not in a save situations).

So the season will have to play out to see if Papelbon gets a start later.

I think it is looking good for Cory to win the bet.


Specific Haiku for Cory:

New Pitcher in Town

One that should not make him frown

Who is it you say?

Why it’s Clay Hensley – Padre!

Having a great spring

Go ahead and have a fling!

Lilly hurt you bad

But Hensley could be your lad

This Haiku brought to you by Deano from Newfoundland.(Not a english major!)

Check the archives folks, I stated many times over the winter that Papelbon should be the Sox closer this year. The bet was simply that he would pitch 100% of his appearances in one role or the other, whether starter or reliever. So if he opens the season as the closer, he has to pitch 100% out of the bullpen for me to win the bet.

And Deano, nice try on the Haiku but you violated the 5-7-5 structure.🙂


How about:

Erik Bedard’s not

“List of 12”, even counting


I also think that sets a theoretical record for shortest possible number of letters in a line of English Haiku.

How about this Haiku for the 411 draft strategy?

Best hitters at first;

Elite closers back-to-back;

Starters? Whenever!

Chris in London

BTW, I’m not saying Bedard won’t be good in 2007. Just saying that you can’t include him on the list, and still maintain that it’s just an “objective formula.”

–Matt in Philly.

Chris, love it!

Matt, why not?

Because I understood that the “Objective Formula” was that the pitcher passed 500 career innings in the previous year, and Bedard only has 476 career innings.

–Matt in Philly

LOL. My bad Cory. I just kept the 5/5 thing going. Told you I was no english major! Now I gotta “wiki” Haiku’s!

Can’t type either….5/7

Your problem, not mine
List of 12 and DTM

411 isms

Pick my draft order

Try not to choose me seventh

I don’t want that pick

I will show my work

Do not confuse the outcome

With the decision

Matt, you are correct that I bent the “rule” a bit on Bedard, but I thought it was justified since he is only 24 IP short and missed plenty of innings due to injuries. Yes that brings more subjectivity into it than I should, but a) I haven’t made any other exceptions on the list before this one so I don’t think the objectivity is eroded in any meangingful way, and b) innings is a proxy for experience and I’m satisifed he has enough to be on the list.

Hot Stove Haiku

Made it through football

And the Final Four tourney

Just to hear “Play ball!”

“Bears stink too” haiku

Soriano errs,

Prior and Wood hurt again,

Cubs finish in fifth

-Eric in Cincy

“Mission Impossible” haiku

In “Bodes” final hour

RFK saps all power

Nats need Jack Bauer

That one even rhymes.

-Eric in Cincy

“Fantasy First” haiku

Kiss the wife goodbye

Got the comp and Mosaic

See you in eight months

Line of the day from the Friday 3/23 show:
“You can’t not like anything with ‘funk’ in it.”

-Cory, discussing team names while picking draft order.

thrilljam, best one yet!! Here’s another take on the theme:

Sorry, my darling

We interrupt this marriage

For baseball season

And in honor of our fallen warriors…

Figgins, then Mauer

Furcal’s ankle goes kaboom

Start the season now!


Cory or Mike –

I think I remember other years you posted the stats it took on average to win a 10, 12 or 15 team league. I never saved them. Do you think you could share this with us again so I can see how I stack up based on 2007 projections. Thanks.

Here’s a good team name
I’m married to the devil

She will never know

Fantasy baseball

Definitely not for wives

Children stay home too

Power, speed early

Coming next, stikeout closers

Then fill in the blanks

If you can still read

This post you haven’t had all

The beer you can drink

Too bad it would cost

A college education

At MLB parks

I know the last 2 kind of go together but I couldn’t resist. Go Hoyas just for Protrade.

Keeper list Haiku:

The Threshold Question:

The player or roster spot,

Which do you prefer?

Love the haiku humor:

Harden’s wicked stuff

Cactus league looks silly, still

Your problem not mine

Cory Schwartz nightmare

DTM resurrection

Cy Young: Ted Lilly

411 music

I hear Vinny Micucci:

Siano gone again

Anecdotes abound

To work for the NBA

Like Cory Schwartz did

Take the best player
Or position scarcity

Conundrums abound

Johan, Carpenter

These are the anti-Schwartzstops

Have a great season

The Baseball Channel

Get your fantasy fix at

Noon every weekday

With respect to Bauer and Norris, 411 Haiku is our best running joke yet…

Other than these two,

This year’s list of 12 looks thin:

Haren and Bedard

K-Rod in the 6th

Then Nathan in the 7th

Draft day dreams come true?

Keep up the good work!


AL Tout Auction –
Can’t wait to hear Mike’s Comments.

Good Luck to Cory

Chuck Norris is mad:
What poem could be better than


It’s been a long night
NL Tout prep is finished

Pray for me Sunday!


Most drafts are over,
So let the season begin!

Mets at Cardinals


Braves pitching prospect
Had a stellar rookie year

I’m Chuck James BEYOTCH!

….and the haiku’s keep on coming.

must get home for draft
why the **** is my train late

auto pick: oh ****!

…stupid LIRR

Best players available
Two starting pitchers?

Yes…it’s all about value!!!

Glad I could post my haiku

before Cory and

Mike throw dirt on this dead horse

-Drew in Wilmington (DE)

Haiku is simple:
Five, seven, then five again

Let’s get it right folks!


Jorge Julio
Can he really be worth it

Draft him or Dotel?

11 year old

Fifth graders can write haiku

Why can’t some of you

Auction or snake draft

A redraft or a keeper

What is your preference

Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris

Kicking A– and Taking Names

That’s what it’s about

Reserve round haiku:

Yes, I picked Marquis

But at least I can cut him!

Just taking a shot

What does it say for

The auction part of my draft

When four reserves start??


AL Tout Wars very niice
Middle infielders values inflated like gas prices

Find good bargain like YuBet

-Bryan in Detroit

411 Haikus?
Where is all the baseball talk?

Fantasy Beatniks

Sabermetric poems?
OBPS has a ring

Fantasy nerds love

Yanks opening day
um….Carl Pavano? really?

when will rocket sign?

(p.s. I work at a fire department where I am in charge of the marquee sign. I try to post haikus as often as I can get away with it….)

Bryan in Detroit
Follow the haiku format

5, 7, 5 man

It is not that hard

To count up the syllables

While you are writing

Now, back to baseball

A mere four more days to go

Till Opening Day

Draft day is Sunday

My keeper list is all set

Flags Fly Forever

Now I am all done

No more posting weak haikus

Go hard or go home

Mike in CT

Hey Siano and Schwartz,
Was there a Chuck Norris thread?

I’m just wondering.

I am a fifth grade teacher and mentioned haiku to my students again today. I told Cory’s story of NBA haikus and told them about some of the people who have had trouble following the rules of this form of poetry. They laughed and then wrote some. Here are some of the best.

You are a dummy

If you can’t write haiku

You orangutan

We’re smarter than you

At least we can write you know

What can you do well?

I can write haikus

Seriously why can’t you

You big fat losers

You are really dumb

You couldn’t have gone to school

Why write if you can’t

Manny is the bomb

Home Runs is his nickname Bums

Boo to the Yankees

Jeter is a Bum

Can’t even hit in a run

He’s a waste of time

Haikus are easy

Why can’t you write a haiku

You are a loser

Boston is the worst

New York Yankees are better

They will always win

wang, moose, and pettitte
what are you doing to us

ohh not pavano!

lidge at 1.90?
there is some hope yet!

oh wait, that’s his WHIP

Lou is Joysey

Listening to Monday’s show about auctions reminded me of my own happy memories of Fantasy Football (that’s soccer to Americans) auctions over here. One prolific goal-scorer, Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink of Leeds United, was a personal favourite of one particular participant. Much to our amusement said manager introduced him with a flourish on auction day, having been the only one not to have read the papers that morning… here’s my haiku in honour of the occasion. You need to know that our budget was £40m.

“Fifteen mill for Jimmy”.

Announcement met with silence.

He’d signed for Madrid.

My name is David, in Hampshire (UK) by the way…

This is officially my favorite blog ever. I guess we have several candidates here for “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?”

Keep ’em coming, from both sides of the pond!

We, the 411

Will make no apologies

For our bad haiku!


i called all winter
almost 50 haiku posts

this is a disease

Sorry for that one Mike
Roto research crazed my mind

Heres one for you all:

“There’s always next year”

Being born Royals fan cursed

Praise Alex Gordon

-Bryan in Detroit, originally KC

Haiku’s on my draft snafu’s:

Wanted to draft speed

I got Chone in the 8th round

Then F. Lopez too?!

Took a Late flier

Triple A for Mark Prior

Time to dump that stiff

El Caballo fell

From the second to fifth round

Abreu instead?!

– Jeff in Baltimore

Haiku in pain.

thigh high cheese turns meat

oh Contreras mon fr’ere ***!

starting pitchers blow!!!!!

Soggy Cheeseballs

(as my era swiftly climbs into orbit)

Hey guys, My name is Jon & I’m 19 & I live in Bloomington,Minnesota. So my question is, How do you think the Minnesota Twins will do this year? & Do you think they have a strong enought offense to help their pitching staff out?


Both Snell and Kinsler
Are putting up big numbers

Name your kids Ian

Dunn kills average

But hits towering homers

My problem, not yours

Dustin Hermanson:

Nervous breakdown – lost his job

Why does Lidge have his?

sitting here waiting
for you to post the podcast

it’s there! finally

yeah, not great, but it has the right number of syllables!

Roberts and Kinsler
Are both on my team this year

I hate eight team leagues

The ladies sigh more?
I am the one who’s in awe…

Grady’s on my team!

Eight Hundred Four Three
One Zero Seven Three Four

Who’s in your Fav Five?


Listen Red Sox Fans,

M’s defeat Matsuzaka,

Can’t touch Hernandez

Five hitters rained out
My opponent lost no one

I hate weekly lineups!

Correction to above:

Five hitters rained out

My opponent lost no one

Screw weekly lineups!

The regular season has ended so it’s time to revive this thread…

Welcome to winter

Keeper lists and cutdown day

Is it draft day yet??

Hope everyone is enjoying the postseason!

Flags Fly Forever
Even when Barry Zito

Is on your roster

Mike in CT

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